I remember the day I stood over the washer and dryer in my childhood home as my mother taught me how to wash my own clothes. This was not a skill that I had needed to learn prior to going to college, so I started laundry lessons a few weeks after graduation. When I got to college, I remember having to call home because the buttons on the community washers were different! Similarly, during our year-long engagement, my wife at 21 years old learned how to prepare meals of every kind. She had cooked some growing up, but not to the degree she learned over the course of that year! Our children likewise don’t realize the value of these practical life skills until they reach a time of transition, such as the summer between high school and college. There are important skills to learn while still at home, before a student moves away from the responsible accountability and safety net of their parents.
Defining Life Management For a graduating high school senior, “Life Management” is the process of managing all the aspects of life that previously had been managed or co-managed by parents and other adults. We want to raise functional members of society who know how to take care of themselves. We also need to remember that even everyday tasks are not automatically understood by someone who has never had to do them before. These can be tasks such as seemingly simple as pumping gas or ironing a shirt. While many of these tasks can be second-nature to us as parents, we also at one point had to be taught how to do these now-rote things.
Working The Plan Teaching these life skills to your teenagers can once again be broken down into three categories of Conversations, Studies, and Actions.
Life Management Conversations: This process begins with thinking about the day-to-day activities you do for your child. Talk through a typical day in college with your child, from what they’ll eat for breakfast (and where will they get that food?) to keeping track of their dorm keys and buying toiletries from a convenience store. As you think of personal responsibilities that your child may not yet know, ask them about it and be prepared to instruct them on how it is done.
Life Management Studies: For some tasks, more study will be involved. It might be that the steps are too in depth for conversation only, and instead it needs to be hands-on. For example, changing a tire is something that every driver needs to know in case it happens without help. If you don’t feel confident in this either, find a YouTube video on this and watch it with them! Then it is time to practice.
Life Management Actions: Have your senior be the one in the family who goes to the bank to make deposits, or pumps the gas for your car, or shops and then cooks a meal each week for the family. This will help your student learn new skills as well as stay involved in the day-to-day family activities. The Two Most Important Areas – Time and Money The typical teenager will go through high school never needing to totally manage either of these two important areas. Mom wakes him up in the morning, keeps up with his dentist appointments, and stands over him to confirm that he has done all of his homework. Dad puts money in her checking account, reconciles the statement, and keeps track of the balance so that she doesn’t get charged an overdraft fee. To a child, these responsibilities happen automatically without much concern. But if these tasks are not learned before they’re on their own, the stress of irresponsibility will be lurking just around the corner. Below are a few tips for coaching your teenager in these two key areas.
Teaching Time Management: There is no better way to teach time management other than to practice it, and practicing time management is best done when there is still a safety net in place to catch them when they fall. I suggest starting out by making them keep a calendar of personal and family events. This could be in a paper planner or an app on their phone. Let them choose what they prefer and what will work best for them. Then, let them practice. Require them to get up for school every morning on their own. If they have a doctor’s appointment, put it on them to get there, and if they miss it, make them responsible for rescheduling. Next year, if they miss an appointment with an advisor, that is exactly what will have to happen. Talk to them about the necessary daily responsibilities they will need to schedule (eating, exercising, quiet time, rest, studying) and have them fill out a printable weekly schedule at first that includes every item. The goal is to have them realize the limits on their time and to be personally responsible for their time before they move away to college.
Teaching Money Management: Just like with time, money management is a learned skill and is better understood with accountability. Teaching this practice begins with conversations about money. Your teenager will need to have an idea of how much money they will have available to them, whether that money comes from an “allowance,” bills being paid directly by you as the parent, or hourly wages from a part-time job. They also need to understand how to budget this money. As you discuss how your child will get money in college, you can begin to practice the process of receiving deposits, keeping a record of transactions, and understanding how a debit and credit card are different, and how each works. I believe it is a wise decision to teach them to avoid credit cards and learn to spend only what they have. If they can learn to manage a debit card now, they will keep themselves from the average $3000 of credit card debt for the average college student.As with most things, we often learn by making mistakes. We need to allow our kids to make those mistakes while protecting them from devastating consequences.