Most teenagers are familiar with the concept of setting and reaching goals, but very few of them have actually experienced the necessity of actually setting and working towards a goal themselves. A student might occasionally set a goal for good grades or a high school athlete might actually set a goal for scoring a goal, but the stakes get much higher once they leave the safety net of home. Helping your teenager understand how to set and reach goals will serve them well as they work towards a career, life-long relationships, and the many opportunities they’ll encounter, beginning in college.
There is a critical first step to goal setting that is often overlooked by followers of Christ. Just because an individual has a dream to reach a goal, that doesn’t mean that this goal is to be reached. As believers, we have the God of the universe, Creator of all things, guiding us to the life we were created to live. We have a Navigator who is all powerful and all-knowing, yet so many times, we see a prize, look in to the direction of that opportunity, and dedicate ourselves to reaching a goal that we were never meant to reach. Proverbs 19:21 says, “Many are the plans in the mind of a man, but it is the purpose of the Lord that will stand.” Proverbs 16:9 tells us, “The heart of man plans his way, but the Lord establishes his steps.” As we teach our children how to set and reach goals, we must not forget the very first step of goal setting: determining God’s goal for our life at that moment and making His goal our goal. We must connect the dots from spiritual growth and development to the goal setting process as we prepare our kids for the challenges of life after high school.
The Fundamentals of Goal Setting There are three basic fundamentals of learning the art of goal setting. As you spend this year preparing your teenager to make wise decisions and plan for their future, effective goal setting will be a critical skill to develop.
1. Seek God’s leading –The first step in goal setting is understanding what it is that we want to accomplish and submitting our plans to the Lord. To an impatient, immature believer (which we all are at times), prayer can seem like a waste of time. At first we might even forget to include God in the planning stage of goal setting, and then when we do eventually remember, so much time has elapsed that we feel like we need to rush God’s decision. Yet, as it says in Ephesians 3:20, God is the one “who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to His power that is at work within us.” Waiting on God will mean that we start out with the right goal, which actually saves us time in the end by keeping us following after the wrong thing.
2. Create a realistic goal – The second step in goal setting is creating a viable goal. For example, even though someone might want to lose 50 pounds within the next week, that is not a realistic goal. Setting a goal to lose 5 pounds in a week and 50 pounds over the next year, though still aggressive, might be more realistic. When setting a realistic goal, one must evaluate their gifts and talents, drive and determination, and timing and ability to perform. If an individual has the goal of losing weight, yet is not willing to exercise and change eating habits, then there is no will for the way. Goals need to be specific, clear, and attainable; they need to be measurable with a clear starting and end point. A goal without specifics is just a dream.
3. Develop action steps – The third step in the process is to develop action steps to accomplish the goal. Identify and lay out the necessary “mini-goals” that need to be reached in order to get closer to the main goal. For example, if a college student wants to pursue a career in accounting, she will need to first look at the necessary course work, evaluate if her skill set fits this challenge, and then look at how many mini-goals must be reached in the process. One mini-goal might be to complete the prerequisites necessary to get into the accounting program. Another secondary goal would be to do the needed work to sit for the CPA exam. Further mini-goals might be to prepare for the interview process, decide the type of accounting that she would want to practice, and begin applying for those types of positions. Simply wanting to be an accountant is not good enough. A well thought-out process is needed to reach that goal, all beginning with searching the Lord for the assurance that accounting is a vocational goal of this person’s life.
Working The Plan Just like the other steps in this discipling pursuit, teaching goal setting works within the same three parameters: Goal Setting Conversations, Goal Setting Studies, and Goal Setting Actions.
Goal Setting Conversations: Begin this process by asking questions about your teenager’s dreams and desires. Start with the immediate possible goals and then move to other goals like majors, careers, etc. The more that your teen can vocalize their hopes, the clearer they will begin to sound. Sometimes we just need to hear ourselves say these things out loud before they come alive. Have them talk about goals in four categories: spiritual growth (how will they grow deeper in Christ), community (relationships and groups), career (current and future jobs, school major and classes), and personal achievements (dreams, hobbies, travel). Resist the temptation to interject with comments of how unrealistic their ideas are or how their goals don’t match their gift set. Instead, speak words of encouragement, specifically on areas you’ve observed growth or genuine giftings. Let them dream, and pray with them about their future and for God to reveal His purposes to your child. Having these conversations throughout the year could be monumental to their outlook on their journey ahead.
Goal Setting Studies: This part might not be as critical for this category unless your child is extremely interested in developing the skill of goal setting. If this is the case, have them read a book or some articles on the subject and develop the most efficient process of setting and reaching goals for their personality.
Goal Setting Actions: This is the stage when dreams begin to come together to make active goals. Before they move to college, take the opportunity to have them write out some of the goals that you have talked about together. Writing out goals seems insignificant to some, but just like speaking them out loud, writing out a goal makes it seem real and identifiable. Allow this process of discovery to energize you and your teen as you dream together, talking about how you see their gifts and passions, and fleshing out those ideas into functional, manageable goals for college. Help them to see that this process is necessary to focus clearly on their journey of living the life that they are called to live. Once they have a clear vision for who they are and what they have been called to do be, they will be excited to continue living the life that they were created to live.