Five Suggestions As you begin transitioning into the role of Counselor and your child prepares to wrap up high school and step into college, I’d like to give you these suggestions to help you better usher in the Freedom Permit:
1. Begin With A Flow of Open Communication – Opening up the pathway of conversion between you and your graduating senior is crucial in order to understand more about their excitements, fears, concerns, and expectations for college. We see in Deuteronomy 6:6-8 that Moses encourages parents to talk about the law of our loving God, urging them to talk on these things “when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up.” Regardless of whether or not this feels natural or uncomfortable to you, these open and honest conversations are crucial. Many teenagers wrongfully believe that their parents aren’t interested in hearing their point of view, and they can become so accustomed to being told what to do during the Cop or Coach phases that they begin to doubt the existence of a Counselor or Collaboror stage. Open communication, without constant instruction, will be a relationship builder.
2. Learn To Pray With Your Children – You most likely already pray for your children, but do you pray with them and over them? If not, your kids may never know that you constantly pray for them unless they hear you pray for them. This will help develop the needed trust and openness that the Freedom Permit requires. If this is odd or difficult for you, then work up to it. First, tell them that you are praying for them. Then, perhaps the next day or the next week, pray for them when you might already be praying out loud, at dinner for example. Finally, then ask them if you can pray over them. Soon it will be more natural. You can let your family know that you are committing to grow in prayer as a family, and that everyone will be stronger because of it.
3. Consider Giving Them A Little More Freedom – Since your high school senior will have virtually unlimited freedom within a few months, give them a little more freedom now to see how they handle it. Not only will this gesture be appreciated, but it can be leveraged as a teaching point as the year goes on. This should obviously happen gradually, but a little later curfew or extra privileges will go a long way to help them not feel so “trapped” in their senior year, and it will help prepare them for the year after.
4. Give Them Something To Do To Spend Their Time Outside Of School – As “senioritis” creeps in, they will long for lazy afternoons and weekends to pass the time. Help them get involved in something useful. They could get a job or intern/shadow someone in a field that they are interested in. This will allow them to focus on something related to the major that they will pursue in college. They could serve and develop a passion for a cause larger than themselves. They could volunteer or work to make extra money for college. Too much spare time and “senioritis” can be a bad combination, but you can help them think through positive ways to spend their time.
5. Prepare Yourself To Loosen Control – Something happens over Christmas break with many parents of seniors. I call it the Christmas Reality Check. The tree is decorated and the presents are filling in below. The Christmas cards have been mailed out and the family traditions are in full swing. Then it happens. Mom and Dad realize that next year will be different. Next Christmas, at least one child will have to come home to celebrate the holidays. Things will never be as they have always been. From that moment on, the rope tension begins to tighten. Kids feel this right away, and it can cause them to wish that the remaining days at home could pass even faster. Be prepared for feelings like this, allow yourself to grieve, and determine to keep moving forward. Good days are to come!