One of the biggest factors that I have seen in students who struggle with the transition from high school to college is that they are what the apostle Paul called “infants” in Christ (1 Corinthians 3:1). Even if they grew up in church, many students are still feeding on milk, rather than solid food. 1 Corinthians 13:11 says, “When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put the ways of childhood behind me.” The months leading up to leaving for college are a significant opportunity for spiritual growth. Regardless of how mature you child may be, begin praying that this transition will be a time to learn to “grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ, and to know this love that surpasses knowledge—that [they] may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God.” (Ephesians 3:18-19)
As you spend these next few months cultivating an environment that will encourage the spiritual development of your teenager, remember to continue to surrender their heart to the Lord. They ultimately belong to Him and the Holy Spirit is the One who will convict, encourage, strengthen and empower. Ask His help to know where your teen is spiritually and seek His wisdom in knowing how to continue to disciple them in the coming months in the areas they most need. When we ask God for wisdom in this area, we can trust that He will provide (James 1:5).
If You’re Starting From Scratch If you’re not used to having spiritual conversations in the home, it’s not too late! I suggest that you begin with prayer. First, pray for the courage and strength to begin this process, and then involve your teenager in those prayers. Chances are you will need to sit down with them and discuss that, though these spiritual conversations may seem strange and foreign at first, they are important and necessary from this point forward. Prepare to be vulnerable as you admit fault in not focusing more on spiritual development in the home in the past. Enjoy the process of growing together as you pray, read Scripture, and talk together about who Jesus is and who you both are in Christ. Teenagers are looking for authenticity, so focus on your own relationship with the Lord first, and model what it looks like to walk with the Lord for your child. Go to church together, surround yourself and your family with Christian community, talk about what God is teaching you. If you had to forgo focusing on the other three components of this plan to center on this first one, it would still be worth it in the end. 1 Timothy 4:15 says to “be diligent in these matters; give yourself wholly to them, so that everyone may see your progress.” God’s grace is enough for you, and He will help both you and your child to grow!
Working The Plan As with all of the categories of this plan, I will break them up into three parts: Conversations, Studies, and Actions. For Spiritual Development, each of these pieces is important to the overall growth of your student in these next several months.
Spiritual Conversations: In the theme of Moses’ instruction to talk about faith daily in Deuteronomy 6, the more this becomes a topic of conversation, the more it will be in the mind and heart of the family. Here are ten questions that you might consider asking your child as you “sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up;” as well as when you drive, eat, go to the store, attend church, and travel together:
• What have been some of the most important ‘God moments’ of your life, and why would you describe them in that way?
• When have you grown the most in your faith since you became a Christian?
• What verse would you say is your “life verse” and why?
• What has God been teaching you this past year?
• How would you describe your faith journey (testimony) to this point in your life, and when did it begin for you?
• Who have been some of the biggest spiritual influences in your life and why?
• What are a few of the main lessons of faith that you have learned from these influences?
• What does it mean to you to be the Light of the World (see Matt 5:14)?
• What have been the catalysts for your growth in Christ and how do you think that will change after you start college?
• What are a few things that you have learned about yourself in high school, and how will recognizing those five things help you as you start college?
Spiritual Studies: In my experience, many young believers (and older ones!) do not really know what the Bible says and what it means to follow Jesus. So, how do you help a high schooler develop their faith through Bible study? As I tell student pastors in ministry training settings, take everything that you have taught them about faith over the years and apply it to a life in college. This will obviously vary from person to person, but focusing on the basics of faith is a good start. Prayer, worship, community, serving, and reading the Word are good places to begin.
I would suggest a family Bible Study as you learn and grow together. Some studies provide personal study questions that could guide each family member’s independent Bible study, and then they include group discussion questions you could use for a weekly Bible study as a family.
You could even study about how the Church is the Body of Christ, and then talk about your family’s church. The more of an appreciation, understanding and love that your teenager has for church, the more they will desire to connect to a new church in college. Talk about how to find a church and why it is important to be connected with other believers in college. This is the central issue for why the transition is so difficult for so many. As you spend these coming months in study and discipleship, go as deep as your child can go, always applying Biblical truth to the setting of life in college.
Spiritual Action: In James 2:14 we learn that faith must be followed by action. This last year of high school is a great opportunity for your child to put hands and feet on faith and learn what it means to serve. A few ideas that can be done this year might be:
• going to the local homeless shelter on weekends and serving a meal
• planning a mission trip as a senior trip
• serving at church in a leadership or volunteer role
• looking for opportunities to teach younger kids about the Bible, like in Sunday School or VBS
• starting a journal to record lessons from Scripture and examples of God working
• learning what it means to work, earn money, and then tithe
Challenge your child to be creative and fill this last year at home with spiritual actions that will support and build their faith.